Mixed-Message Branding at CAT-Scan Springs

 

Last week, in a CAT-scan waiting area, I toasted two other patients while downing my EZ EM Barium Sulfate Smoothie. (four glasses; one every 15 minutes) You drink it for its “contrast” coating that articulates the diagnostic dye injected during the scan.

The flavored, thick-textured smoothie is supposed to mask the drink’s underlying metallic taste. But the pained expressions of my waiting room mates (one had opted for banana; the other berry) told no lies: The drink proved less than a mixological triumph. I did somewhat better with vanilla, but all three of us shared equally in onset bloating.

Too Many Choices?

Pouring my second round, I took comfort in the bottle’s label depicting a foamy smoothie accompanied by a vanilla floret and beans. But then, my eye spotted the graphic of a gastrointestinal track in the label’s southwest corner. How whimsically it mirrored the smoothie graphic with its exclamatory straw. And what an addition to a kid’s crazy straw that gastro-appendage might make.

Inspiration for a crazy straw?

But why ruin vanilla imagery with that alimentary distraction? The answer: Consumers don’t purchase the product. It’s the clinics and medical technicians who do. Let's drink to them all.

The Barista's Delight: Mochaccino

The Brand that Was You--2011

The brand that was Lou

For a second year running, this blog celebrates the enchanted craft of branding. What a growth industry it has become! Just like power tools, ping pong balls, universities, and New Age retreats, individuals have their own brands too. Such hopes had I for the improvement of my own personal brand 14 years ago after discovering Tom Peters’ heady article, The Brand Called You !

But even though I’ve repeatedly failed to realize my brand potential, it’s a comfort to know that future opportunities for revisionism await, if not in life, then afterwards via my local newspaper’s obituary column.

For several years, the Northampton, Massachusetts-based Daily Hampshire Gazette has turned to reader-penned necros.  Beside the honoree’s name and age, the author gets to distill a lifetime’s "footprint" in a word or two. Without purgatorial delay, here’s my Top Ten Roster from the past year. I’ve changed the names and ages of the innocent (and the experienced), but left their personal "brands" intact.:

10. Inez Gomulka, 87,~
       Lived All Her Life on the Family Farm
 
 9. Tobias Z’Beard, 58,~The Perfect Gentleman

 8. Chadwick Cook, 74,~ Protector of Special Places

 7. Abigail Sweeney, 88, ~World-Class Grandmother

 6. Dianne Boger, 82, ~Data Entry Pioneer

 5. Arthur Colovito, 71, ~A Quiet Man

         ~Tied for 4th place~

 4. Thaddeus Prosky, 62, ~3 Holes in One

 4. Ned Romanowski, 91, ~Golf Fueled His Life

 3. Ozgood Curtis,75, ~Career in Funeral Services

 2. Sidney Charles, 38, ~Saw Humor in Everything

 1. Grady Gerber, 58, ~Born to Ride

The Brand that Was You

This blog installment means neither to praise nor dis the burgeoning craft of branding. What a growth industry it has become! Just like power tools, ping pong balls, universities, and New Age retreats, individuals have their own brands too. What hopes I had for the improvement of my own personal brand 13 years ago after discovering Tom Peters’ heady article, The Brand Called You !

But even though I’ve repeatedly let myself down, it’s a comfort to grasp at future opportunities for revisionism, if not in life, then afterwards via my local newspaper’s obituary column. For several years, The Daily Hampshire Gazette has turned to reader-penned obituaries. In the title line, beside the honoree’s name, the author gets to distill a life’s impact in a word or two:

Here are my own favorites from the past half year. (I’ve changed the names and ages of the innocent, but left the brands intact.):


9. Eunice Banks, 83, Very active in Haydenville church

8 . Biff Webster, 57, “Totally Perf” person

7. William Langley, Lionel Trains Enthusiast

6. Jerold Hadley, 91, Promoted Local Asparagus

5. Kathleen O’Day, 96, 6th Generation Vermonter

4. Martha Wobst, 72, Loved Clocks

3. Consuela Juarez, 74, of Texas

2. Lisa Koch, 86, Hummel Collector

1. Webster O’Brien, 81, Loved to Cut the Grass